The Messy Mind of Monique Pearson

You know what they say about “making plans,” right? Basically don’t.

I had this great plan…move back to Tulsa, live with someone I’ve known for 30 years that I always had great fun with, start a job with a company I really like; that’s also small enough that I could grow with it, have some freedom to be “me,” and enjoy my home state and all this city has to offer.

Well, the move DID happen. After some poorly planned weather and my truck unloading help had a last minute work issue I finally did get unloaded into my new home, even if a little soggy, thanks to my girlfriend and my best friend’s family.

My roommate has been through some shit in life, just like many of us. For me it’s caused anxiety, depression, and a whole lot of introversion. Apparently it’s done the same and then some to her. The woman I’ve known for 30 years is no longer the fun, playful, let’s just drive and see where we end up woman I’d known her to be. She likes her world small and quiet and my being here is more a mutual help situation than a friends taking on the world together situation. After living alone for almost 11 years I was looking forward to having a friend a few rooms away, but it’s more like living with my ex-military father, including the John Wayne movies and the “sigh” when I want to have a conversation.

I moved here also without a car. Probably not the SMARTEST plan, but I did have a plan. I moved with lots of groceries and pet supplies. I also had lined up the previously mentioned job working from home. Best of all, my best friend lives just a hop, skip, and a jump down the highway and could pick me up on the way for grocery runs and the occasional Starbucks. Less than 3 weeks into this wonderful plan of ride sharing until the end of June, my BFF finds out the dose of Covid-19 vaccine she received was improperly stored and she is still very much at risk. Much like myself, and then some, she has medical issues that make the possibility of contracting the virus life threatening. Until they can be sure she can safely re-vaccinate, which doctors are saying will be August, she will not be sharing air with people outside of her home because she’s back in quarantine.

Then, there’s the job…..*SIGH*

I was SO ready and excited to be a remote worker for this company I’d had previous dealings with. They are only in four states, still improving their internet sales site and customer service team, and the manager that hired me had worked with me before and knew I brought a lot to the table. She seemed as excited to have me on her team as I was to be there. However, the Friday before I was to start my new position, HR called to let me know they had not yet figured out how to hire someone out of state due to legalities and taxes. I was assured they would have it figured out within the week. A week later I was told, “Sorry, but we decided we don’t want to hire outside of our state.” Apparently there was more involved than they wanted to deal with and even the manager that hired me was left out of that loop. This was again a Friday afternoon and I had to quickly try to get back to one of the jobs I had turned down for this one, but it was too late in the day. Turns out it was too late in the month since the next opportunity to train with my next choice was a full 3 weeks later.

So here I am no with no car, no income, and no best friend I could get a hug from. My roommate is disinterested as long as my rent is paid, luckily I paid 5 months up front. As for getting out in the town and enjoying the city again; not only do I have no transportation and no one that will or can hang out with me, but every time I leave my part of the house whatever I’m wearing gets shredded by my roommate’s dogs. I’m doing my best to get them trained, but I’m not their mom so it’s going VERY slowly.

I actually ditched almost everything I owned in Ohio that I hated or was super conservative or just bland for a new wardrobe to start my “new life” during this last year. I got rid of 90% of even what I would consider wearing to work in the yard or wash the car I don’t have. What remained is beautiful, fun, colorful, or sentimental plus a few random pieces I kept for just in case. Well, just in case is here and those are all sporting holes and stains from dirty paws, as well as a few of my more expensive and more sentimental pieces which have been, quite literally, destroyed. To have a t-shirt I bought to remind me a special place and a special person shredded because dogs are untrained and misbehaving just makes me sick and sad. To have a fun tank top I bought because it was quirky and soft ruined after spending a little too much on it in the first place makes me want to scream.

Somehow I’ve kept my cool….barely. I’ve slept a lot, eaten too much, gotten very little done, drank more often than I should, and felt very lonely in the last 3 weeks. Today I was told I’ve been complaining a lot. I guess this post just puts an exclamation mark on that.

Tulsa is also having it’s annual Pride event again this year (after a pandemic hiatus) and I really want to go, but I don’t want to depend on anyone else to get me there. I also don’t want to go alone. Rock meet hard place.

On a positive note I wanted to be able to say I’ve used this time to accomplish SOMETHING good so I checked into my abandoned college education and found I’m one course shy of getting my Associate’s Degree. So I enrolled for this coming Fall and will, for the first time in over a decade, be a student AND have something to show for it on my wall.

I also got a fish. A female half moon Betta to be exact. Her name is Gloria. She’s beautifully blue and reigns over my home office.

So there’s two good things. I’m actually very excited about both. I haven’t had fish or houseplants in years because of the chill in Ohio so much of the year.

Hopefully happier, less whiny updates to come. Fingers crossed!